World
12/14/2013
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North Korean supreme leader Kim Jong-un is a renaissance man known for being the most worldly of North Korea’s Kim dynasty rulers. Not only can he pull a Machiavellian power play and execute his own uncle, the man who taught him how to execute in the first place, but he can also dance and sing. Whether he’s cutting a rug with a soon-to-be executed girlfriend, or riding a soon-to-be executed horse, Kim Jong-un has taken the nation’s heart by force. “Wow, he executed his own uncle? What a guy!” said one malnourished street child. “He has a white horse that hasn’t been eaten yet? Do you know where it is now?” exclaimed another street urchin.

The Dear Leader’s uncle, Jang Song Thaek really earned his protege’s undivided attention. After sheltering Kim from pretenders to the throne during the rocky days after his father’s death, Jang has had Kim’s back all the way. But I guess Kim thought his back looked a little lonely for a stabbing, so he turned the tables on that faithful pal of an uncle and had him shot to death for being “worse than a dog”. That’ll learn im’! Jang was also convicted of treason, drug use, gambling, corruption, leading a depraved life, and riding Kimi’s white horse without permission. Next on Kim’s horizon is a film career starring as every character in his first full length feature, “Saving Private Ryan: The Original Korean Film Not Copied from Dirtbag American Imperialists”.